toffer’s Neighborhood

Spoon full of glass
Fun sparkles on my tongue
as the choking - through my throat they pass

Fire in my gut
Ache in my heart
Screaming I slam my eyes shut

Spoon full of glass
I feast upon at breakfast, lunch and tea
Praying for salvation at daily mass

My eyes bleed as I struggle to hide
This gut wrenching God awful pain
Riveted I religiously consume what I cannot abide

Spoon full of glass
Shredding my heart
Agony my new master class

Simmering just below the surface
A conundrum of confusion
Wisdom of no purpose

A spoon full of glass
Choked down pound for pound
Holding my nose, ever fast

Vocal cords silenced complaint
The cries in my head louder by the day
Bloodletting - required compliant

Spoon full of glass
Release me oh tyrannical devil
I can swallow no more alas

For small bits to shards
Have ribboned my soul
Drink no loner the pain retards

Spoon full of glass
Returned to sand by the winds of change
The direction determined by the broken compass

Milky white fullness
Radiant & bright, brilliant
Filling the velvet darkness

Blazing golden goodness
Shining, illuminating, vigilant
Exploding in the blue starkness

Bathing cool shadows
Cloaking the stillness
In its heavenly glow

Heating the meadow
Blanketing the cool earth's goodness
In its warm breath slow

Dividing the skies
Each with gifts distinct
Each depends upon the other's grace

Both delight my eyes
Their light a refreshing drink
Warmth & Coolness upon my upturned face

Feathers fly in bright blue skies
Flitting left & right before my eyes

Dancing from cloud to cloud
Flashing colors so proud

If one looks closely
One sees the right of colors mostly

Fields of flowers grounded
Blue skies bounded

In puffs of white dream candy
Decorated with moving colors dandy

Paper like fragility
Masters of tranquility

The whipping wind no liability
Gliding on winds for pleasurable utility

From northern most meadows
to the shorelines shadows

For following sunlight's kiss
A truly wonderful bliss

Flower of the sky
A true delight for my eye

Come rest for a moment upon my nose
Stretching - holding a pose

Flowers dancing in the clouds above
Like the stars waving at the sun coyly with love

Many whimsical hues
Orange studded black, yellow and rich blues

Flashing left & right
Up to the clouds and out of sight

Traveling far - over sea and shore
Making a pilgrimage of lore

Stopping to sample sweets
Offering us colorful treats

For those who pause to glance
For those lucky few, see the flowers dance

Mexico City

The husband & I will be in Mexico City for one day, while we're making our way over to our honeymoon destination. We will only have time for one major outing - does anyone have any advice on what we should do?

Muffins

Dia de los Muertos

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Trick or treat!

 So far Rudy & I have baked a dozen cornbread muffins (eaten them all), rearranged the Day of the Dead altar, and gone trick-or-treating.

SHATTERED
bits of glass
fissures in the icy surface
shifting accusation bursts
building to the crash

FRACTURE
clean jagged edges
the rip of fierce energy
Free falling - let go
Abrupt ending yielding a marred smoothness

SHREDDED
burst of pieces, into a silent void
corrugated disjunction
repetitive screaming madness
Industrious destruction

IMPLOSION
a forceful explosion internally contained
a silent madness burning, embers of brightness
awake the Phoenix - no more shall she slumber
Awash in bloodless agony reborn

Out of the Fire she rises
slowly as if atop a balloon
A golden light surrounds

At the briefest of glances - No one surmises
the torrent of emotions; the monsoon
The trail of glass - her heart rebounds

Tied up in knots
twisting in agony as the knife turns
Rivers of bloodless sorrow

Glassy eyed - her mind lost in thoughts
Who, How, Where - how the anger burns
Wistful, perhaps it is awash tomorrow

For as the sun also rises it sets
As the tide rolls in  - outbound the reverse
Pain soaked landscapes tip to bliss

As the flames flicker about her skirt - I bet
That the trials have a purposeful service
The resurrection - this reawakening - I do not want to miss

Walking each night, shoulders squared
Looking still yet regal & grand

Calling out to anyone who cared
Traversing nightly the wet sand

Looking off into the distance
Lantern held high

No gale too fierce to provide resistance
Scanning, hoping to see a ship passing by

For twas long ago - he whistled
and said, "Love to you sweet lassy!"

Now the yard is swamped & thistled
Her eyes clouded & glassy

Each night from the pier I watched transfixed
Her endless seeking

Her fruitless quest leaves my heart sick
Her voice raw & squeaking

Night after night & year after year
She waits & searches

But to my eyes it is clear
Their love once sweet as  peaches

For his dive to the the darkness deep
Broke her heart, cast her heart asunder

And even in death the beach she creeps
No resting peace without her hearts half other

Doomed to forever walk the night
Hoping in vain his ship returns

His soul now a star above burning bright
Her devotion unearned

As dawn pinks the sky
She disappears with the mist

For her love never had its good-bye
She evermore longing for his kiss.

* I made this list in 2007 and am absolutely astounded by the number of things my husband has helped me to cross off. The most recent is taking me to see The Roots, after about 10 years of failed attempts. I fucking love this man.

• visit japan to watch first snow of the year falling on buddhist temple
• meditate and practice yoga in india for 3 months
• visit best friend in egypt
• buy a rug in morocco
• see The Roots in concert
• ski tahoe
• grow hair past boobs
• shave head
• camp at pololu - big island
• visit mexico for day of the dead celebrations
• have a dog (or 2)
• achieve notoriety in art
• be able to do 20 good push-ups in a row
• send allison's mom flowers
• own a bottle of my favorite fragrance
• visit kauai
• model for a professional photoshoot
• be debt-free
• d.j. a party
• own an apartment
• decorate apartment in spanish whorehouse motif
• drink coffee in turkey
• eat dinner in greece
• be rich
• volunteer for aids charities and help the elderly
• have a garden
• get corrective surgery on eyes
• get health insurance
• read 'walden' all the way through
• go to graduate school
• sell lovetaps in san francisco, london, and japan
• visit finland
• ride horses with mom in the country - jump hay bales
• liberate a dog from death row, take him on cross-country roadtrip in a jeep
• be as cool as sonic youth at least once
• see the ruins at machu picchu
• renovate/remodel mom's house
• read something by angela davis
• own the perfect pair of go-go boots
• clean my chakras
• live in honolulu (again)
  
• eat nothing but raw food for 2 weeks