Finished Actors' Script

Finished the Actors' script. Now all I have to do is put together the script that will be handed to the audience. I really wish I could get some opinions on it...

Characters

Director

Jeremy

Tiffany

Nick

Steve

Audience Member

Light Guy

[The curtain is down and Director enters and walks to middle stage]

Director: Hello, as you all know I am, the Anthony Michael Stewart, the director and the writer of this great and wonderful play. It is my baby, I am the mother and father of this and I know you’re all thankful for being able to share my vision and genius tonight. You are all now history. This is the first of many showings of the next great musical, “ The Amazing Spectacular Story and Music of Jakob and The Poverty Pals!”

[The curtain goes up and Director walks to side stage still visible. Jeremy, Tiffany and Nick are dressed in their vagrant costumes the music starts and they begin to sing off key and not in very much unison]

Jeremy, Tiffany, and Nick:
We are the flagrant vagrants of ill smelling fragrance on the corner of Westbro and Elizabeth

We cause quarrels and have no moral you wish we were not corporeal and have horrible breath

[the director looks at the audience with worry]

We are the flagrant vagrants of ill smelling fragrance on the corner of Westbro and Elizabeth

We cause quarrels and have no moral you wish we were not corporeal and have horrible breath

Director: Stop, stop! They hate it this is not my vision! Take those costumes off. Take them off Now!

[Jeremy, Tiffany and Nick strip off their costumes, down to the underwear while singing this last line]

Jeremy, Tiffany, and Nick: We are not without leadership we have a hierarchy of membership and our president is Jakob...

[Steve enters]

Steve: ‘ello Chaps

Director: What the hell Steve? No, no, no, no. No! We’re going in a different direction this crowd is young, cool, edgy. Generation bling-bling, bang-bang drive by blow jobs! They want sex sex sex. Sex! The word fuck and Face Book... [interrupted]

Plant in Audience:  My Space!

Director: MySpace, YouTube, and porno! These cats know where it is at and it’s here because that’s where they are!

Steve:  It’s opening night! We all know our lines, I’ve had to hear that stupid vagrant song for the past month!

Director: That’s so, so, so theater, so planned out, so stage!

Steve: This is a stage

Director: Life is a stage, I’m on a stage, these kids are on stage. They’re in costume, and even the guys have their make-up on!

Steve: [motioning to the rest of the actors on stage] And you all agree with this? After all the hard work we put into this? [looks at Jeremy] are you okay with this?

Jeremy: He told us this would be different...

Steve: [looking at Tiffany he’s flirtatious with her] Tiffany, you look great, you’re too beautiful for this.

Tiffany:  [nods and looks down to the ground biting her bottom lip, looking back up and shyly says] thanks Steven.

Steve: [looking at Nick] Nick, man you know that, you know that [Nick starts giggling and pulls a large brownie from behind his back, sits down and starts to eat it] that you are incredibly high...

Director: But the audience likes him!

Steve: Fine, fine. I’ll go along. Who do you want me to be Michael?

Director: First I want you out of that ridiculous character.

Steve: How am I in character? Because I’m not standing on stage in my underwear again? [looks over at Tiffany again]

Director: No, because, look look [director grabs a script from one of the audience members]  See here, here at the top of page three [Hands it to Steve]

Steve: [reads quizzically from the script] Steve realizing that the director is a genius and is correct about him still being labeled as Jakob in the script he decides to drop character? [Looks up and hands the script
back to the director who hands the script back to the random audience member] Fine. Fine, is this better?

Director: Yes

Steve: Okay, so who do you want me to be?

Director: You’re character is a young struggling bisexual street performer slash web developer turned pod-caster! Trying to turn a million web visitors a day into a multi-million dollar career in the movies!

Steve: Sounds interesting... [interrupted]

Director: Your name is, uh Francis

Steve Fine... [interrupted]

Director: You go by Frank

Steve: A bisexual podcaster that goes by Frank?

Director: Point, how about Frankie?

Steve: I don’t know... [interrupted]

Director: No, Frankie! With an ie not

Steve: hmm.... Perfect

Director: Well, I think so

Steve: So, uh, costume

Director: Well just match everyone else

Steve: So underwear, then?

Director: Of-course everyones naked online.

Steve: So just uh...

Director: Yes

Steve: So just naked then?

Director: No just down to your... [interrupted]

Steve: A little problem... there...

Director: what? Oh!

Steve: Yeah...

Director: Oh well, naked is ok then

Steve: No, no naked is not okay.

Director: Like you’ve never got naked for a director before [blatant use of a wink]

[Steve looks at the director quizzically and Jeremy starts to fidget with embarrassment]

Director: Oh, oh! I’m, I’m so sorry Joe

Jeremy: Jeremy

[Steve starts non-verbally flirting with Tiffany and she slowly gets closer to him while Jeremy and the Director fight]

Director: I know that, Joe is my pet name for you. Jeremy Joe. My little country cowboy.

Jeremy: I’m from Nebraska...

Director:  I said the south!

Jeremy: Nebraska is in the midwest

Director: No no you’re new Character is from the south accent up you silly boy!

Jeremy: Okay, [bad southern accent] Sorry about that, partner

Director: Partner? Look Josh... [interrupted]

Jeremy: Still Jeremy

Director: Still from the south!

Jeremy: Fine, partner

Director: Jeremy, partner? Maybe I wasn’t clear. Us, it was only one night and you were drunk... [interrupted]

Jeremy: It was every night after rehearsal!

Director: it was only a few nights and you were drunk-- every-night and I had a lot of drinks too-- that I gave you. It just cant work... [interrupted]

[The spot light drops fast as if it was pushed off of mark]

Light Guy: [screaming] This is fucking retarded!

Director: Get back on the lights!

Light Guy: [screams] Fuck you.

Director: Jeremy Joe Bo Josh get on that light!

Jeremy: But I don’t know how!

Director: Well learn quick slick lips!

[Jeremy runs off stage to take control of the spot light the light focuses back on Steve]

Director: Still from the south!

[The light changes to an amber color and is in the shape of a boot]

Steve: So I’m an internet personality lit by a giant boot?

Director: The boot is your god!

Steve: That is beyond ridiculous, I quit!

Tiffany: [grabs Steve's arm] I’m going with him I quit too! [loud whisper] So you really don’t wear underwear that’s kind of sexy!

[Tiffany and Steve exit]

Jeremy: I’m gone too! Fuck you Anthony!

Director: I don’t need any of you I still have Nick, he’s the real star of all this. The acting genius!

Nick: [giggling very stoned like] really? Acting genius? wow, cool...

Director: Yes, you’re it. You’re the star! These people can relate to you. They love you, I love you. They want you, I want you. We need you Nick! I’ll make the world need you!

Steve: [said off stage] On your period?

[Steve reappears on stage with Tiffany holding hands]

Steve: Nick, me and Tiffany are going to go back to my place and drink some Guinness and eat some Oreo’s you in?

Nick: I don’t know they need me here, are they double stuffed?

Steve: Yes, and doubled stuffs are just a twist and collision away from quadrupled stuffed.

[Nick get up off the floor and starts to walk over to Steve]

Director: Stardom Nick! Stardom! I am offering you the power to have the masses love you and praise you like a god!

[Nick starts walking over to the director]

Nick: Like a god? Really man?

Steve: Guinness and Oreo’s

[Nick starts walking towards Steve]

Director: With stardom you can buy all the beer and cookies you want just stay here with me!

Audience Member: [screams] I have pot

[Nick starts walking towards Audience Member]

Steve: [screams to the plant] How much? Enough for four?

Plant In Audience: More than that

Steve: You’ve invited!

Director: [Grabs onto Nick] Nick, you are my last hope we can do this We can do this together. You can make me great, you can give me the fame I’ve deserved for so long!

Steve: Nick, I have one of those orbs with the electricity you can touch

[Nick and the plant walk fast over to Steve and pulls him off stage]

Director:  I am deeply sorry to all of you. I have been deceived and been made a fool of by these actors, these amateurs I was trying to give a chance too. A chance to star in the best thing since Cats! And they spat in my face. Spat right in the face of my genius! But the show must go on! I will now, completely on my own, with my eminence acting talent. Will preform, without any practice preform the play that will make Cats look like shit, “The Amazing and Spectacular Story and Music of Jakob and The Poverty Pals.” Written by, me! Anthony Michael Stewart! Directed by me! Anthony Michael Stewart!  and now every roll performed by me, the great Anthony Michael Stewart!

[music starts to play and he starts to sing as the audience is ushered out of the theater as the cast waits outside the doors for a final bow]