Pathetic

I've been feeling absolutely pathetic for the past few days.

    The Issues
    
    Weight
        I've put on a few pounds. I could blame it on my now constant back pain, but I don't believe that. There have been too many naps with Sarah and not enough walking, no running, no swimming, no biking, no weight lifting.
   
    Hair
        Again as my hair got to a length I like, I got a hair cut. It's short and not even all the way around, it looks to shaped, to done for my taste.
   
    Wardrobe
        I have not been shopping in forever.
   
    Unemployed
        I have plenty of reasons for it, but again, I don't believe them.
   
    Productivity
        I was doing good real good. I've falling off the wagon. I do not write as much as I was. I'm fixing that though.
   
    Brain Crack
        I have some, and I'm still waiting for the right moment.
   
    Sarah
        She's been sick lately and has been feverish. When I have a fever and feel hot, I don't want any one's body heat near me either. When she does it, I think she's calling me fat, unattractive, and annoying. I realize that a girl, that tells me everyday how great I am and how perfect I am for her as she and I sketch out our dream house, is into me. When I realize it I feel bad, paranoid, and start beating myself up.
   
    I'm out of pens
        I'm a writer, I'm suppose to be the go to guy for writing utensils. It used to be if I was in a room, no one asked, "hey, any one have a pen I can borrow?" it was, "toffer let me see one of your pens."
   
    Shitty life coach
        Austin wanted to learn the productivity stuff I know, so I tried to teach him. We got a lot of stuff done but I didn't feel as comfortable as I should.
   
    I wanted to physically hurt and insult someone today
        A girl said something to the extent of, "I think you taken too much philosophy, you look too deep at everything." I wanted to shake her hard and yell at her that the topic we were talking about was psychology based and it was a movie and my point had to do with a sub-plot in the movie and that she's part of the simple minded MTV-high-school-my-space-kiddie-bullshit-never-going-to-fucking-grow-out-of-this-society-vs-nature-bullshit-loook-at-me-I'm-ditzy-can-I-suck-your-cock-generation and for her to shut the fuck up and let people who decided what they like on their own, and are not afraid to think people talk and that she should go sit with all the people who are now shunning their once beloved emo music because to many people are into the scene. I haven't felt this much anger in a long time, and it's my fault that I did. Yes, she offended me. That is no reason to do, say, or even think those things. It's not natural, at-least it is not for me. I only get like that when I'm feeling extremely bad about myself. It's purely a self-defense mechanism, to discredit them, so that their opinion can not do more harm to my ego.